It's the 1st anniversary of the day Virgin Media failed to show up for a scheduled installation at our house, without any notification that the installation had been cancelled.
This was the 2nd installation which had been cancelled, though at least they notified us the first time: by phone, the day before.
Both installations were cancelled because Virgin Media didn't know where their own cable was, even though it was new cable which had been installed only a few weeks previously, supposedly specifically to allow our part of the street to be connected to their fibre optic network. At least, according to the salesman who knocked on every door to notify us that Virgin Media's services were now available to us, immediately after the new cable had been installed.
Information about the location of their new cable, and the circumstances, was never retained no matter how many different people I (and at least one of our neighbours) explained it to.
Throughout my lengthy dealings with Virgin Media the same conclusion was inescapable: unless it's 100% routine, this company don't know what they are doing. If you tell someone something which disagrees with what the screen in front of them shows, it's as if you didn't say anything at all. The level of sustained incompetence was staggering, far beyond anything I have ever encountered before.
The consequence of the 2nd cancelled installation was that our phone line and internet connection were cut off (something VM had assured me on several occasions 'could never happen'; it seems certain they still tell people that), our phone number transferred to Virgin, and our contract with original supplier EE cancelled. VM had notified EE about the transfer date, and EE had confirmed in writing that they were going to cut off our service with them on that day. EE did exactly what they said they were going to do.
Our phone and internet connection remained cut off for more than 6 weeks, while discussions continued with VM on how to resolve the situation. One of VM's managers visited our house soon after our service had been cut off (not that anyone at VM had bothered to tell him that was the reason for his visit; he was unaware of that until I told him, and had thought he was visiting for a different reason). Once he became aware of what had happened, he fully acknowledged the extent to which VM had been at fault (which was considerably more extensive than previously suspected, as quickly became apparent). He apologised 'on behalf of Virgin Media for the very shabby service you have received'.
That was the only sincere apology I ever received, and the only time VM acknowledged they had been at fault in any way.
Eventually we were told that our street wasn't going to be connected to Virgin Media's network at all. Everyone in our part of the street had been affected to a greater or lesser extent. VM walked away leaving a lot of disgruntled people behind.
I spent most of the rest of the year seeking fair treatment, reasonable compensation, and at least an acknowledgement that VM had been at fault, without any satisfactory result. The people I dealt with in the Executive Complaints Team had the level of integrity and commitment to customer service which would make them suited to the kind of jobs which entail phoning people at random, claiming to be from 'Windows', and telling whoever answers that there's a problem with their computer.
.
We remain appalled that a big company can get away with this kind of behaviour. (Ofcom were very sympathetic, but don't deal with individual cases. They recommended I seek legal advice.)
The full epic story of what happened is recounted on the first blog I ever posted here, in November 2016. Anyone who has received poor service from a telecoms company should find a great deal to relate to.
Sunday, 26 February 2017
Wednesday, 22 February 2017
Thraxas Relaunched
I've been a fan of Martin Millar's books since the start ('Milk, Sulphate and Alby Starvation', published in 1987), so am pleased to see that the Thraxas series of books he writes under the pseudonym Martin Scott are in the process of being made available again as actual physical books (via Amazon), after several years as eBooks only.
Books 1 and 2 ('Thraxas' and 'Thraxas And The Warrior Monks') are available now in a single volume. Books 9 and 10 ('Thraxas And The Ice Dragon' and 'Thraxas And The Oracle') are scheduled to be next (neither have been in print before, which is why they're getting priority), followed by the other six in due course.
Book 11 is a work in progress, promised to be available in a few months.
The Thraxas books have had a complicated history. The first one was published in 1999, and won the World Fantasy Award in 2000. Since I rarely read fantasy books, it's not until I do some research that it becomes apparent how much of a big deal that was, especially for a new author and a small publisher. To give it some perspective: Philip Pullman's 'The Amber Spyglass' was a runner up the following year, and Neil Gaiman's 'American Gods' also failed to win the year after.
The first 8 books were published between 1999 and 2005.
After the publisher opted not to continue with the series, rights to the books reverted to Martin, and, after a gap of 8 years, book 9 was self-published as an eBook in 2013, and book 10 in 2015.
The first 6 books are effectively separate stories, though form part of the same timeline, but books 7 to 10, while containing individual plots which reach a conclusion, are part of an ongoing storyline, which will continue in book 11. Although the standard has remained high from the start, the more recent books benefit from Millar's long experience as a writer, and are noticeably more accomplished in terms of plot and characterisation. And they remain at least as funny as ever.
I'm actually something of a latecomer to the Thraxas books, despite knowing about them since the first one, and my ongoing loyalty to the Martin Millar books. Lack of time in a busy job (until taking up the life of a househusband), and lack of interest in the fantasy genre, made me consign them to 'maybe sometime, in an undetermined future'.
Perhaps what made me decide to give Thraxas a chance was the review in The Guardian of Martin Millar's 2015 book 'The Goddess Of Buttercups And Daisies'. Although lavish in his praise for the book, and puzzling over Millar's failure to break into mainstream success, the reviewer was somewhat dismissive of the author's forays into 'genre' fiction: both the Thraxas series, and the 'Lonely Werewolf Girl' trilogy. As far as the reviewer was concerned, '...Buttercups And Daisies' was the first 'proper' Martin Millar book since 'Suzy, Led Zeppelin And Me', in 2002. But since I would argue that the 'Lonely Werewolf Girl' books transcend any genre constraints, and may be Millar's best work (in the modern world, why shouldn't 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' be equally as valid a literary influence as Shakespeare, Cicero, Voltaire or Vonnegut? - all strong influences on Millar's work), Thraxas suddenly seemed more appealing. The ease and low cost of buying Kindle books helped too, of course.
The whole family (or at least those still in the family home) started to read Thraxas books.
Our daughter (due to turn 15 soon), having now read all 10 Thraxas books, the 'Lonely Werewolf Girl' trilogy, and a couple of others (though not the more recent, and less suitable - though still immediately engaging and as appealing as any of his others - 'Kink Me Honey'), considers Martin (as both Millar and Scott) to be her favourite writer. When, last year, her English class was tasked with writing about a book they had recently read for a 2-minute solo talk before the class, she chose Thraxas, and was so enthusiastic about the subject that the talk lasted 5 minutes. She got full marks. She is particularly pleased that Thraxas will be available as actual books, since she will be able to buy them as birthday and Christmas presents for her friends.
My wife, a lifelong avid reader (for those lists of '100 Books To Read Before You Die', she's already read most of them - including Proust and The Russians), enjoys Thraxas just as much.
To finish, let's attempt some description of what the Thraxas books are like.
They are set in a fantasy world populated by elves, fairies, Orcs, wizards, dragons and so on, as well as humans, although the lifestyle and structure of the society is clearly based on Ancient Greece - one of Millar's long-term obsessions, and a world with which he is obviously familiar. (I understand he had several attempts to write a Martin Millar book set in Ancient Greece, before succeeding in doing that with 'The Goddess Of Buttercups And Daisies'.)
Thraxas lives in the city-state of Turai (where the weather is horrible in every extreme way throughout most of every year), is a war hero (from the Orc wars, 20 or so years previously), wizarding school dropout, and former Chief Investigator at the royal palace (a position gained in recognition of his achievements during the war), from which he was sacked for frequent drunkenness and offending almost everyone of any power and influence he encountered. He now lives in the poor part of town, above The Avenging Axe tavern (which is owned by his friend and former battle comrade Gurd), and makes a modest income working as a private investigator. He's grumpy, has a drink problem, and is certainly inspired by the hard-boiled detective characters of Raymond Chandler, Dashiell Hammett etc. Except set in Ancient Greece, and with a great enthusiasm for beer, pies, and betting on chariot races. Also much funnier than Humphrey Bogart. He would be best portrayed by someone like Robbie Coltrane or Brian Blessed (maybe Gerard Depardieu?), when in their mid-forties, and with a grey ponytail. Thraxas' saving graces are his loyalty to his friends, his bravery and excellent swordsmanship, and the fact he's one of the few honest men in a largely corrupt city.
His friend and frequent investigating accomplice is Makri, an escapee and unbeaten champion from the Orcish gladiator pits, and still barely out of her teens. Basically it's Philip Marlowe in partnership with Red Sonja. That's Red Sonja from the comic books, not the 1985 film version, as portrayed by Brigitte Nielsen. Makri does wear a chainmail bikini (Red Sonja's standard costume - though not in the film), but only to gain more tips in her job as a waitress in the Avenging Axe. They've developed into a great comedy partnership, constantly bickering, frequently behaving badly, but always there to save the day for each other in times of peril. Unless they're lying drunk somewhere.
Makri is part Human, part Orc, and Part Elf (the lineage has yet to be fully explained), which makes her an outsider everywhere, though she has a relentless drive for self-improvement, and her struggles to gain an education, in the face of social barriers and prejudice, are an integral part of the story.
There are many other recurring characters, peopling a well-drawn and immersive world. The earlier books in particular have a certain formula to Thraxas' investigations, but there's enough variation to sustain interest, and the ongoing storyline in the later books remains compelling. We're certainly looking forward to book 11.
Everyone I've ever recommended Martin's books to has loved them, and usually passed them on to their children too. All of them are immediately engaging, and would have mass appeal if the promotional and distribution network was there to support them.
Celebrity fans of Martin Millar's books include:-
Neil Gaiman - a long term fan, who wrote the introduction to a reissued version of 'The Good Fairies Of New York' (the cover of which has a quote from GQ, describing Martin as 'the funniest writer in Britain today')
Kate Moss - who was acting as a producer in an attempt (long ago, and sadly unsuccessful) to make a film version of 'The Good Fairies Of New York'.
Anna Paquin - together with her husband Stephen Moyer, and partners in their production company, signed a development deal with HBO to write/ direct/ star in various planned projects. 'Lonely Werewolf Girl' was one of the projects listed.
http://deadline.com/2014/05/anna-paquin-stephen-moyer-first-look-deal-at-hbo-726706/
Hey Netflix! Buy the rights, and make a Thraxas series with a lavish budget now! Get it right, and you'll have something with the appeal of Game Of Thrones - if it was funny.
Books 1 and 2 ('Thraxas' and 'Thraxas And The Warrior Monks') are available now in a single volume. Books 9 and 10 ('Thraxas And The Ice Dragon' and 'Thraxas And The Oracle') are scheduled to be next (neither have been in print before, which is why they're getting priority), followed by the other six in due course.
Book 11 is a work in progress, promised to be available in a few months.
The Thraxas books have had a complicated history. The first one was published in 1999, and won the World Fantasy Award in 2000. Since I rarely read fantasy books, it's not until I do some research that it becomes apparent how much of a big deal that was, especially for a new author and a small publisher. To give it some perspective: Philip Pullman's 'The Amber Spyglass' was a runner up the following year, and Neil Gaiman's 'American Gods' also failed to win the year after.
The first 8 books were published between 1999 and 2005.
After the publisher opted not to continue with the series, rights to the books reverted to Martin, and, after a gap of 8 years, book 9 was self-published as an eBook in 2013, and book 10 in 2015.
The first 6 books are effectively separate stories, though form part of the same timeline, but books 7 to 10, while containing individual plots which reach a conclusion, are part of an ongoing storyline, which will continue in book 11. Although the standard has remained high from the start, the more recent books benefit from Millar's long experience as a writer, and are noticeably more accomplished in terms of plot and characterisation. And they remain at least as funny as ever.
I'm actually something of a latecomer to the Thraxas books, despite knowing about them since the first one, and my ongoing loyalty to the Martin Millar books. Lack of time in a busy job (until taking up the life of a househusband), and lack of interest in the fantasy genre, made me consign them to 'maybe sometime, in an undetermined future'.
Perhaps what made me decide to give Thraxas a chance was the review in The Guardian of Martin Millar's 2015 book 'The Goddess Of Buttercups And Daisies'. Although lavish in his praise for the book, and puzzling over Millar's failure to break into mainstream success, the reviewer was somewhat dismissive of the author's forays into 'genre' fiction: both the Thraxas series, and the 'Lonely Werewolf Girl' trilogy. As far as the reviewer was concerned, '...Buttercups And Daisies' was the first 'proper' Martin Millar book since 'Suzy, Led Zeppelin And Me', in 2002. But since I would argue that the 'Lonely Werewolf Girl' books transcend any genre constraints, and may be Millar's best work (in the modern world, why shouldn't 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' be equally as valid a literary influence as Shakespeare, Cicero, Voltaire or Vonnegut? - all strong influences on Millar's work), Thraxas suddenly seemed more appealing. The ease and low cost of buying Kindle books helped too, of course.
The whole family (or at least those still in the family home) started to read Thraxas books.
Our daughter (due to turn 15 soon), having now read all 10 Thraxas books, the 'Lonely Werewolf Girl' trilogy, and a couple of others (though not the more recent, and less suitable - though still immediately engaging and as appealing as any of his others - 'Kink Me Honey'), considers Martin (as both Millar and Scott) to be her favourite writer. When, last year, her English class was tasked with writing about a book they had recently read for a 2-minute solo talk before the class, she chose Thraxas, and was so enthusiastic about the subject that the talk lasted 5 minutes. She got full marks. She is particularly pleased that Thraxas will be available as actual books, since she will be able to buy them as birthday and Christmas presents for her friends.
My wife, a lifelong avid reader (for those lists of '100 Books To Read Before You Die', she's already read most of them - including Proust and The Russians), enjoys Thraxas just as much.
To finish, let's attempt some description of what the Thraxas books are like.
They are set in a fantasy world populated by elves, fairies, Orcs, wizards, dragons and so on, as well as humans, although the lifestyle and structure of the society is clearly based on Ancient Greece - one of Millar's long-term obsessions, and a world with which he is obviously familiar. (I understand he had several attempts to write a Martin Millar book set in Ancient Greece, before succeeding in doing that with 'The Goddess Of Buttercups And Daisies'.)
Thraxas lives in the city-state of Turai (where the weather is horrible in every extreme way throughout most of every year), is a war hero (from the Orc wars, 20 or so years previously), wizarding school dropout, and former Chief Investigator at the royal palace (a position gained in recognition of his achievements during the war), from which he was sacked for frequent drunkenness and offending almost everyone of any power and influence he encountered. He now lives in the poor part of town, above The Avenging Axe tavern (which is owned by his friend and former battle comrade Gurd), and makes a modest income working as a private investigator. He's grumpy, has a drink problem, and is certainly inspired by the hard-boiled detective characters of Raymond Chandler, Dashiell Hammett etc. Except set in Ancient Greece, and with a great enthusiasm for beer, pies, and betting on chariot races. Also much funnier than Humphrey Bogart. He would be best portrayed by someone like Robbie Coltrane or Brian Blessed (maybe Gerard Depardieu?), when in their mid-forties, and with a grey ponytail. Thraxas' saving graces are his loyalty to his friends, his bravery and excellent swordsmanship, and the fact he's one of the few honest men in a largely corrupt city.
His friend and frequent investigating accomplice is Makri, an escapee and unbeaten champion from the Orcish gladiator pits, and still barely out of her teens. Basically it's Philip Marlowe in partnership with Red Sonja. That's Red Sonja from the comic books, not the 1985 film version, as portrayed by Brigitte Nielsen. Makri does wear a chainmail bikini (Red Sonja's standard costume - though not in the film), but only to gain more tips in her job as a waitress in the Avenging Axe. They've developed into a great comedy partnership, constantly bickering, frequently behaving badly, but always there to save the day for each other in times of peril. Unless they're lying drunk somewhere.
Makri is part Human, part Orc, and Part Elf (the lineage has yet to be fully explained), which makes her an outsider everywhere, though she has a relentless drive for self-improvement, and her struggles to gain an education, in the face of social barriers and prejudice, are an integral part of the story.
There are many other recurring characters, peopling a well-drawn and immersive world. The earlier books in particular have a certain formula to Thraxas' investigations, but there's enough variation to sustain interest, and the ongoing storyline in the later books remains compelling. We're certainly looking forward to book 11.
Everyone I've ever recommended Martin's books to has loved them, and usually passed them on to their children too. All of them are immediately engaging, and would have mass appeal if the promotional and distribution network was there to support them.
Celebrity fans of Martin Millar's books include:-
Neil Gaiman - a long term fan, who wrote the introduction to a reissued version of 'The Good Fairies Of New York' (the cover of which has a quote from GQ, describing Martin as 'the funniest writer in Britain today')
Kate Moss - who was acting as a producer in an attempt (long ago, and sadly unsuccessful) to make a film version of 'The Good Fairies Of New York'.
Anna Paquin - together with her husband Stephen Moyer, and partners in their production company, signed a development deal with HBO to write/ direct/ star in various planned projects. 'Lonely Werewolf Girl' was one of the projects listed.
http://deadline.com/2014/05/anna-paquin-stephen-moyer-first-look-deal-at-hbo-726706/
Hey Netflix! Buy the rights, and make a Thraxas series with a lavish budget now! Get it right, and you'll have something with the appeal of Game Of Thrones - if it was funny.
Wednesday, 15 February 2017
Fake Pies
It was a very long drive, but we went to meet friends for lunch in Dundee. They live somewhere quite remote, so even though Dundee isn't particularly near for them, it's probably the closest urban centre of any reasonable size. For us it was a much longer trip.
I forget the name of the restaurant they selected, but it wasn't easy to find: through an archway to a nondescript courtyard behind a main street, the restaurant up a metal staircase and not clearly identifiable from any distance. They must be confident about relying on word of mouth for customers. There won't be much in the way of passing trade in that location. It seemed like a nice place though, so perhaps the low-key presence works for them.
The special for the day was some kind of steak and ale pie. It sounded nice from the description.
I asked the waitress:-
Is this served in a ceramic dish with pastry over the top?
Yes.
Okay, not a proper pie then, so I won't have that.
It was an entirely friendly exchange, and I told the waitress it should be considered as feedback.
Our daughter, apparently with no strong views on whether a genuine pie should be entirely encased in pastry or not, ordered the pie.
Later, out of a table of 6 people, only Trevor agreed with me that a bowl of stew with a piece of pastry nearby - not even in contact with the filling - shouldn't be considered to be a genuine pie. Everyone agreed that the waitress seemed bemused to have been asked. Apparently restaurants have been getting away with this for so long now that it's considered to be normal and acceptable. In fact it's no better than school dinners, where a ladle full of stew was served with a square of puff pastry cut from a separate tray. Surely no one has fond nostalgic memories of that?
It's obviously long overdue to begin the fight back against fake pies.
Unless you make your own, shop at a quality local butcher, or have a source for pies produced by smaller manufacturers with high standards, it's probably possible to live a life without ever eating a decent meat pie - and never realise what you're missing. Supermarket pies are an inadequate substitute, most comprising a pastry shell filled with (to borrow a title from Frank Zappa) lumpy gravy of dubious composition. Unless you've experienced the real thing, you may not realise that better versions are available.
So, I'm announcing the formation of the Campaign for Real Pies: CAMRP.
Campaign song: 'Fake, em, Pies', by The National. (I'm sure that The National will be happy to re-record one of their best known songs for such a worthy cause.)
There are obviously worse problems affecting the world at this time in history.
Western politics is in crisis. Big business is continuing to get away with everything. Virgin Media have yet to be denounced from on high before the nation for their crimes.
But all I'm doing here is raising the issue, and hoping that word spreads, and awareness is raised. If everybody stops ordering fake pies (faux pies? ersatz pies?) in restaurants, perhaps the message will get through eventually, and there will be small improvements somewhere.
Does anyone agree? Is it worth mentioning on your favoured social media platform?
Though mentioning it in an actual conversation works too. Just start a ripple, and perhaps in time restaurants will be getting outed and shamed for being amongst the few remaining who are still trying to get away with serving bogus pies, and it will become a small victory for anyone opposed to cutting too many corners purely in the pursuit of profit.
We're slightly miffed as hell, and we're not going to take it any more!
Postscript - late-ish March, 2017
I see that Mary Berry has been lambasted on Twitter for cooking a pie without a pastry base on her tv show. The general consensus was: 'that's not a pie, that's just a casserole with a lid'.
The chairman of The British Pie Awards weighed in with the definitive ruling:-
I forget the name of the restaurant they selected, but it wasn't easy to find: through an archway to a nondescript courtyard behind a main street, the restaurant up a metal staircase and not clearly identifiable from any distance. They must be confident about relying on word of mouth for customers. There won't be much in the way of passing trade in that location. It seemed like a nice place though, so perhaps the low-key presence works for them.
The special for the day was some kind of steak and ale pie. It sounded nice from the description.
I asked the waitress:-
Is this served in a ceramic dish with pastry over the top?
Yes.
Okay, not a proper pie then, so I won't have that.
It was an entirely friendly exchange, and I told the waitress it should be considered as feedback.
Our daughter, apparently with no strong views on whether a genuine pie should be entirely encased in pastry or not, ordered the pie.
Later, out of a table of 6 people, only Trevor agreed with me that a bowl of stew with a piece of pastry nearby - not even in contact with the filling - shouldn't be considered to be a genuine pie. Everyone agreed that the waitress seemed bemused to have been asked. Apparently restaurants have been getting away with this for so long now that it's considered to be normal and acceptable. In fact it's no better than school dinners, where a ladle full of stew was served with a square of puff pastry cut from a separate tray. Surely no one has fond nostalgic memories of that?
It's obviously long overdue to begin the fight back against fake pies.
Unless you make your own, shop at a quality local butcher, or have a source for pies produced by smaller manufacturers with high standards, it's probably possible to live a life without ever eating a decent meat pie - and never realise what you're missing. Supermarket pies are an inadequate substitute, most comprising a pastry shell filled with (to borrow a title from Frank Zappa) lumpy gravy of dubious composition. Unless you've experienced the real thing, you may not realise that better versions are available.
So, I'm announcing the formation of the Campaign for Real Pies: CAMRP.
Campaign song: 'Fake, em, Pies', by The National. (I'm sure that The National will be happy to re-record one of their best known songs for such a worthy cause.)
There are obviously worse problems affecting the world at this time in history.
Western politics is in crisis. Big business is continuing to get away with everything. Virgin Media have yet to be denounced from on high before the nation for their crimes.
But all I'm doing here is raising the issue, and hoping that word spreads, and awareness is raised. If everybody stops ordering fake pies (faux pies? ersatz pies?) in restaurants, perhaps the message will get through eventually, and there will be small improvements somewhere.
Does anyone agree? Is it worth mentioning on your favoured social media platform?
Though mentioning it in an actual conversation works too. Just start a ripple, and perhaps in time restaurants will be getting outed and shamed for being amongst the few remaining who are still trying to get away with serving bogus pies, and it will become a small victory for anyone opposed to cutting too many corners purely in the pursuit of profit.
We're slightly miffed as hell, and we're not going to take it any more!
Postscript - late-ish March, 2017
I see that Mary Berry has been lambasted on Twitter for cooking a pie without a pastry base on her tv show. The general consensus was: 'that's not a pie, that's just a casserole with a lid'.
The chairman of The British Pie Awards weighed in with the definitive ruling:-
The annual British Pie Awards provides the following definition: "A pie is a filling totally and wholly encased in pastry."
Awards chairman Matthew O'Callaghan said Berry's hearty potato, leek and cheese pie, which she demonstrated on her BBC One show Mary Berry Everyday, did not qualify.
"That's not a pie," he said. "It's just a casserole with a bit of pastry on top.
"We want a top and a bottom. Lattice, open top, only a top - they're not allowed at the British Pie Awards."
It's nice to feel vindicated, and discover that so many right-thinking people share my views on this subject. Hopefully restaurants will take note, and desist from their lazy habits.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)